Death lends itself to somber lucidity…

I found out Monday that my great-grandfather passed away.

Because of turmoil, and an extended period of unfounded selfish pride within my family, I went for years as a child without seeing or really getting to know my great-grandparents. Once I became an adult, I was fortunate enough to see a change in the direction of my family, and to finally get to know one of the greatest men I've ever known. My great-grandfather (Charlie Byrd) was, and will infinitely remain, an inspiration and a legend.

My family comes from the cold, dark, unrelenting hills of Harlan County, Kentucky. The stories you've heard are true. Harlan County is (for all intents and purposes) still a third world country… it's lawless, unforgiving, and poor beyond poor.

I have the utmost respect and admiration for my papaw. Though he lived a very simple life, he faced and overcame some of the most challenging times any human could ever endure. The more I learned about Charlie, the more I grew to not only respect him, but to wish the rest of the world could be more like him.

My family is like most I suppose… full of animosity, angst, and problems. All of that aside, we come together in times of need. My great-grandmother died a few years ago, and it broke my heart to see my papaw's face become emotionless and empty. I envy their commitment to one another, their strength in life, and their humble roots.

Amidst the already trying sorrow of losing his best friend and lifetime companion, my papaw had to witness his two sons wage a war against one another... a feud that nearly ended in my grandpa being shot. Shortly after her funeral, Rod pulled a gun on my grandpa. I got in front of Rod and told him that if he was going to shoot my grandpa, he'd have to shoot me first. My mother got behind me, and then Ernie stepped in as well. Rod stood his ground for a moment, and then decided to step down. Since that incident, my side of the family hasn't exactly been welcomed with open arms down in Harlan County. All of this, simply because Rod and my grandpa couldn't see eye to eye.

Seeing my papaw's face really saddened me. I've never seen anyone look so dead inside. After granny died, he just seemed to be dead himself... left with no real reason to live, he prayed for death. After the past year of being incredibly sick, and nearly vegetative, my papaw finally passed on Monday morning. We are heading down to Harlan County first thing tomorrow morning for the funeral. I just hope our family can put aside their differences long enough to pay Charlie the respect he is due.

Ordinarily, I am not so affected by death... it is, after all, a fact of life. But papaw's death is really hitting me hard. I've lost several loved ones in my life, but this time it's different. Perhaps it's because I feel cheated out of so many years with him, or perhaps it's just growing older, but whatever the reason; I am much more affected this time.

My papaw lived a very full life, despite its simplicity and hardship. He lived to his mid 90s, and was fortunate enough to see his great-grandson to the age of 6. It's really humbling to sit and think that there were 5 generations of my family alive at once. Still, it's hard to see him go.

I am elated that he finally gets to leave this world, and gets to be reunited with granny, but I feel selfish in the fact that I still want him here on earth, with me.

I wish the world would take note, and become more like my papaw. Today's world is callous, uncaring, and selfish. My papaw and granny were married for 60+ years, and together; they endured Cancer, hardship, and more pain than most people today could fathom. Their love for one another outlasted everything, and it carried them through hell here on earth. Today, people are no longer committed. As soon as a marriage hits hard times, people jump ship. They through their hands up and proclaim "that's it, I'm done." Today's companies have no loyalty to their employees. Everyone and everything is expendable, replaceable, and worthless.

I so long for the days of old, for the days of my papaw's generation… the days where a promise was kept, and someone's word meant more than any amount of money. I long for the kind of love that flourished during his time, the kind of commitment and dedication that is all-too-often unknown by today's generations. Maybe its nostalgia setting in, but to be perfectly honest, I am sickened by the world today.

It makes me so sad to think that there's nothing left in this world to look forward to. I am not saying that the world is empty and barren of joy – but it's certainly not like it used to be.

I wish that I could look forward to be spending the next 60 years with the woman I love, but I fear that as soon as times get hard, she'll jump ship (not her specifically, but people today in general.) I wish that I could look forward to working my ass off and earning my living, and having the security and piece of mind in knowing that the company I work for is going to be there… that they're going to be there for me and my children…. For my grandchildren when the time comes for me to retire. Truth be told, Siemens couldn't possibly care less about me, or any other employee for that matter.

I don't hate the world, but I hate today… not today as in this specific day, but today as in the times of today. The world went and got itself in one big damned hurry, and there's nothing left. There's no time left to just sit and enjoy. There's no time left to be like my papaw, and just sit on your front porch and watch the sun go down. There's no time left to sit and simply live.

I, for one, say fuck today. Fuck the hurry, the hustle and bustle, the heartless and cold times of today. I vow to be like my papaw… to sit on my front porch and just watch the time go by.

I already love completely and unconditionally, but today – I vow to love indefinitely... through Cancer, through death, through anything that God can throw my way. Bring it on! I will outlast anything you've got. I will be more like Charlie Byrd.

-Jason R. Buell
11/08/2006

Listen to the song You'll Never Leave Harlan Alive... it's entirely too true.

Youre a 90s kid if

You're a 90's kid if:

• You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PYSCH!"


• You can sing the rap to "The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air".


• You remember when Kurt Cobain, Tu Pac, River Phoenix, and Selena died.


• You know that "WOAH" comes from Joey from "Blossom" and that "How Rude!" comes from Stephanie from "Full House".


• You remember when it was actually worth getting up earlyon a Saturday to watch cartoons.


• You got super excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.


• You remember reading "Goosebumps".


• You know the profound meaning of "Wax on, wax off".


• You have pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.


• You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.


• You danced to "wannabe" by the Spice Girls, Females: had a new motto, Males: got a whole lot gay-er. (so tell me what you want, what you really really want.)


• The last song at every school dance was "Closing Time" by Semisonic


• You remember the craze then the banning of slap bracelets and slam books.


• You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence...Not...


• Where in the world is Carmen San Diego? was both a game and a TV game show.


• Captain Planet.


• Legends of the Hidden Temple, Double Dare and Global Guts


• Clarissa Explains it all.


• You knew that Kimberly, the pink ranger, and Tommy, the red* Ranger were meant to be together.


• To the last sentence you said.....hey...Tommy was the green* ranger!!!!  *later to be white


• When playing power rangers with friends you fought over who got to be who.....and still all ended up being tommy.


• You remember when super nintendo's became popular.


• You remember watching home alone 1, 2 , and 3........and tried to pull the pranks on "intruders".


• "I've fallen and I can't get up"


• You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates.


• Two words... Trapper Keeper.


• You ever got injured on a Slip 'n' Slide.


• You wore socks over leggings scrunched down.


• "Miss Mary Mack, Mack, Mack, all dressed in black, black, black, with silver buttons, buttons, buttons, all down her back, back, back"


• You remember boom boxes vs. cd players.


• You remember New Kids on The Block when they were cool.


• You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By The Bell".


• You played and or collected "Pogs".


• You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet or Nano and brought it everywhere.


• You watched the original Care Bears, My Little Pony, and Ninja Turtles.


• Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys were the best mystery books.


• Yikes pencils and erasers were the stuff!


• All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand.(pencils.notebooks.binders.etc.)


• You remember when the new Beanie Babies were always sold out.


• You used to wear those stick on earings, not only on your ears, but at the corners of your eyes.


• You remember a time before the WB.


• TGIF


• You've gotten creeped out by "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"


• AHHH!! REAL MONSTERS!!


• SALUTE YOUR SHORTSWe run, we jump, we swim and playWe row and go on tripsBut the thing that lasts foreverAre our dear friendshipsCamp Anawanna, we hold you in our heartsand when we think about youit makes me want to fart!It's I hope we never partNow get it right or pay the priceNow we will share a lifetime of the fondest memoriesby the Lake of Anawanna,set in the old pine treesCamp Anawanna we hold you in our heartsbut when we think about you,this thing it came apart!Think Ana-wanna-wanna!Speak Ana-wanna-wanna!Live Ana-wanna-wanna! Ugh!!!


• You know the Macarena by heart.


• "Talk to the hand" ... enough said.


• You thought Brain woud finally take over the world


• You always said, "Then why don't you marry it!"


• You remember when everyone went slinky crazy.


• You remember when razor scooters were cool.


• When we were younger:


• Before the MySpace frenzy.


• Before the Internet & text messaging.


• Before Sidekicks & iPods.


• Before MIKE JONES


• Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX.


• When light-up sneakers were cool.


• When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.


• When gas was $0.95 a gallon & Caller ID was a new thing.


• When we recorded stuff on VCRs & paid $3.50 for a movie.


• When we called the radio station to request songs to hear off our walkmans.


• When 2Pac and Biggie where alive.


• When the Chicago Bulls were the best team ever.


• bill-nye the science guy.


• DOOGIE HOWSER


• MR RODGERS!!!!


• Gulah Gulah Island


• When Toys R Us overuled the mall.


• Act like you didn't watch afro-king BOB ROSS paint trees on T.V.


• "DID I DO THAAAAAAAAAT???"


• Smud and Yak Back. Skip it and Bop it.

The Evolution of Dance (Funny)